


Always Charge Your Batteries Before Leaving Home, Kids

by paradoxpangolin



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: (both relationships are background, Drunkenness, Humor, Multi, Social Media, effectively, this is mostly just mtt)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-04 16:59:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5341637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradoxpangolin/pseuds/paradoxpangolin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the night of Mettaton's latest red carpet party, which means it's the perfect night for Alphys and Undyne to finally watch the season finale of that anime. Everyone is in Hotland celebrating, so for once, they're sure to have no distractions! Whatever their big star happens to be getting up to, by himself, in front of many monsters, is the last thing on their minds.</p><p>Until it's not, suddenly.</p><p>(alternate summary: so you remember the scene in big hero 6 where baymax's batteries ran down)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Charge Your Batteries Before Leaving Home, Kids

**Author's Note:**

> i have neither excuses nor regrets
> 
> (except maybe the title/summary, but it was either that or the title of the word doc that this lives in, which is literally just "someone help mtt")

_“Mew Mew…”_ says the bunny girl on the screen, her eyes wide and quivering with unshed tears. _“I never meant to ruin the dance for you! I only wanted you to trust me! Can you ever forgive me?”_

__

“Oh my _god…”_ sniffles Alphys, and scrunches back further into Undyne’s arms. Undyne hiccups in response.

 _“Of course I forgive you, Mew Mew! You’re my_ best friend!” The two girls hug.

 _“I just have one – one more question, Mew Mew,”_ says Tessa.

_“Anything, Tessa!”_

_“Can you maybe…can we kiss again? Without the mind control part this time?”_

_“Oh my GOD!!!!!”_ screeches Undyne, squeezing Alphys like a pillow. Alphys beams at the screen through her tears, where the two girls are kissing as dramatic orchestral music swells to a climax. _“OH!! MY GOD!!!!”_

 _“I know right!!”_ Alphys whispers back. She can’t do a whole lot more, because Undyne is squishing the air out of her lungs, and also she’s crying again.

 _“Oh my god I can’t believe they did it…”_ sobs Undyne into the top of Alphys’s head, as the credits begin to roll.

Suddenly, there’s a huge _crash,_ and the house shakes. Undyne sits up so fast she knocks over a half-eaten bowl of ramen, still clutching Alphys like a teddy bear. “What was that.”

Through the closed door comes a booming, somewhat garbled voice. “HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, BEAUTIES ANNNN’ ROBOT BANGERRRRRRRS!!!!!”

“O-oh no,” says Alphys.

Undyne pauses the episode, scoots off the couch, and flings open the door to her room. Alphys blinks in the sudden brightness streaming in from the kitchen. Mettaton is standing unsteadily in Undyne’s doorway, his pink high-heeled boots unzipped and flopping around his heels, and his once perfectly styled hair sticking out at all angles. On the floor in front of him is what remains of Undyne’s (perfectly good!!) kicked-in door.

“Oh, god,” says Undyne.

Mettaton lurches into the room, but falls magnificently over the door and slams into the ground on his face. Alphys hurries over to help him up, but he waves her away with grand sweeping gestures as if he’s on stage, smacking her gracelessly in the nose. “Mmmy legs don’t listen – won’ listen to me tonight, Lalphys. Dunno why. I gotta – I gotta teach ‘em who’s the star ‘round here. They’re dicky little trevils but I’m gonna teach ‘em who’s the star. It’s me.”

“Mettaton, wh-why are you _here?”_ asks Alphys.

Mettaton brightens, and he scrambles to his feet, leaning on Alphys for support. “RED CARRRRRRPET PARTY, DARLING!! REMEMBER?! Party to celebrate my new MOVIE, all the critics LOVE it and they were there to SHOWER ME WITH LADULATIONS, and AL!! OH!! MYGOOOOOD!!! YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHO WAS THERE TOO!!!” He grasps Alphys’s shoulders, beaming with excitement. Alphys winces with the force of his shouts, then reaches out discreetly and turns down the volume dial on his chest. _“Papyrus, Alphs!”_ he whispers intensely, seeming not to notice his decrease in sound. _“Papyrus was there ‘n we hung OUT!!!_ But then he hadda go to bed,” he says, grin fading, “and I hadda leave. And I w-was gonna go back to the lab but I remembered you were over here so I came here.”

“What’s wrong with him?” asks Undyne cautiously.

“Low battery,” mutters Alphys. “S-sometimes he gets like this when his battery needs charging? It d-doesn’t happen a lot though.”

 _“There is NOTHING wrong with me!”_ Mettaton whisper-shouts and, somewhat delayed, stomps his foot like a toddler.

“O-of course not, Mettaton,” says Alphys soothingly. “Now let’s see if we can get you back to the lab, o-okay?”

“You don’t – y-you don’t _want_ me?” Mettaton responds, crestfallen.

“Nononono!! Of course it’s not that, Mettaton, I j-just – “

 _“You_ just – you just wanted to spend more time with _Undyne.”_ Slowly, a devilish look spreads over Mettaton’s face. “I – I know _why_ you wanna spend more time with Undyne.”

 _“Oh my god,”_ Alphys mutters.

Mettaton pushes himself to his feet, leaning heavily on Alphys, looking conspiratorial. “Don’ worry, Al,” he mumbles. “Yer secret’sssssssafe wi’ me, darling. I w-won’t tell ‘er. Don’ worry.” He leans heavily over Alphys’s shoulder, as Alphys staggers under his weight. _“Heyyyyy! Undyne!”_

Undyne ignores him. “How did he get all the way here from Hotland, Alphys?! He can barely stand up!”

* * *

“ – ‘ve read about it all m’life, seen it in movies, tried it before – it was the first thing I tried to do, ‘n I couldn’t – “ Mettaton lets out a sob, sinking to his knees on the floor of the boat. “I c-couldn’t taste it, I’ve never been that disappointed in my _life,_ Alphys changed my life, but – “ He grabs the hem of the riverperson’s robe beseechingly. “You gotta understand, you’re the only one who understands me – why would you make a robot and not make it able to taste _choc'late? Ohhhhhh – “_ Mettaton collapses dramatically to the floor. “This river is made of my _tears,_ that I shed every day because I’ll _never_ taste choc'late.”

The riverperson hums a little song to themself.

“You’re the best listener I’ve ever met, y’know. Maybe in the whooooooole underground. Lissen, I, the okay Mettaton, I would be great but I can’t taste choc'late, also I feel a li’l weird, I’m gonna sign your boat. For _free._ You should feel – y’should eel _fonored.”_ He takes out a sharpie and makes a little squiggle on the planks.

“Please don’t.”

“I’ll make it a-a _choc'late_ then. Aaaaaaa choc'late made a my _tears.”_

* * *

“I have n-no idea,” Alphys replies. “M-maybe the riverperson?”

_“U-Undyyyyne!”_

Undyne snorts. “I would pay MONEY to see that.”

 _“Nundyyyyyyyyyyyne!!”_ Mettaton leans over Alphys’s head, the full weight of his body falling on Alphys as she struggles to keep his seven-foot frame upright. 

Undyne rushes over to shoulder some of his weight, and he takes the opportunity to loop an endlessly long noodle arm over her shoulders like a scarf. “N-nundy,” he says in an exaggerated whisper.

“Oh HELL no, Mettaton. My name’s _Undyne._ Dyyyyyy-NUH.”

“Nundyne. Did you-did you _know._ That.”

Undyne decides to humor him. “That what.”

“That Aff-lys has a – “ He tries to lower his voice further, but after a moment gives up and slaps the volume knob on his chest until it makes him barely audible. “She-she made me promise nnnnot ta tell, buuuttt Laphys has a _crush._ On. You.” Mettaton giggles, clearly excited for the effect his words will have on her.

“You’re KIDDING me,” says Undyne, raising her voice so Alphys can hear half of their murmured conversation. “ALPHYS has a crush on ME?!?! I would have NEVER guessed that on my own!!!”

 _“I know, right?!?!?!”_ Mettaton whispers gleefully.

“M-mettaton, we’ve been dating for like three weeks,” responds Alphys flatly.

Mettaton freezes, and Undyne wonders if they’ve crashed him somehow, because he’s kind of a computer right, but then his ridiculous noodle legs give out from under him and he collapses to the ground, dragging the other two down with him.

 _“I’m s-s-so h-happy f-for you,”_ he sobs, hugging them both tightly to his chest. “I’m s-so happy y-you both a-admitted your _feelings_ a-after s-so long a-and now you’re _together_ an’ I’ve been tryinnnn t’set you up since I _met_ y-you and you got t-together all by _yourselves ohhhhhhhh…”_

 _“When is he gonna power down,”_ Undyne mutters, her face smooshed into Alphys’s horn. Alphys makes a muffled little “I dunno” sound.

“The s-sweet serendipity of y-your meeting! T-the blossoming of your shiendfip! The-the bonding over c-cartoons meant for tiny children!! Wh-who could imagine, without my aid, it c-could ever escalate to _this?!?_ If only I c-could par – partake in thissshhhappiness myself!! But alas,” his face falls and his arms droop, letting Undyne and Alphys scramble free, “s’not meant to be, for me.”

“Wh-what do you mean, it’s not meant to be?” Alphys asks cautiously.

Mettaton flings himself backward onto the floor, lying spread-eagled with his hands over his face. “He’s so kind,” he mumbles, voice choked by tears that Alphys never gave his body the ability to actually make. “So handsome, ‘n so…so kind. His energy… _inspires_ me. It inspires _me!_ The great Mettaton! He makes me wanna be the best self I c-can b-be.” Mettaton lets out a poorly recorded hiccupping sound effect. “B-but I’m a _star,_ my life is th-the road an’ the limelight, not w-what he stands for, there’s no – no _way_ he’d ever _consider_ s-someone like m-me. It’s _hopeless,_ Alphys!” he wails. “I’m hopeless! _Hopeless!!!”_ He dissolves into heartbroken sobbing.

“Th-there, there,” says Alphys, tentatively reaching out and giving Mettaton’s shoulder a reassuring pat. 

_“Not ‘there, there,’ Alphys!!”_ Mettaton exclaims quietly. “It’s _not ‘there, th – “_ He breaks off. The light in his eye flickers and goes out, and there’s the _vvmmm_ of a motor powering down.

Undyne breaks the resulting silence with a snort. “Holy _crap,_ Alphys.”

Alphys lets out a sigh of relief. “I-I was beginning t-to think that would never happen.”

* * *

Thirty-six hours later, Alphys knocks gently on the door of Mettaton’s room in her lab. “M-mettaton? A-are you in there? I-I just, I haven’t seen you all day, and you have a show in a couple hours…” There’s no response, but when she tries it, the door is unlocked.

Inside, the room is dark, except for a glowing screen illuminating one corner near Mettaton’s charging bed. Mettaton is sitting hunched behind his laptop, surrounded by a barricade of half-eaten ramen cups, cocooned in a fluffy pink blanket and wearing what appear to be pink high-heeled boots and anime pajamas.

Alphys blinks. She doesn’t even know what anime the pajamas are from.

“If you’ve come to coax me out, I’m afraid I’ll have to decline,” says Mettaton morosely. “I can never leave this room again.”

“What?” asks Alphys, although she has a sneaking suspicion what this is about. In response, Mettaton only turns his laptop around so she can see the screen.

It’s open to a video posted on Undernet, with the source of _laziest-bones_ and the caption of _red carpet party w/mettaton lmao._ The clip, only about a minute and thirty seconds long and filmed with a low-quality smartphone camera, shows Mettaton draped against a wall, gesturing dramatically like he’s giving one of the monologues he’s famous for, even though it looks like there’s no more than four other people in the room. (Oh dear god, she’s pretty sure one of them is the king, oh dear god.) Alphys can barely make out the audio over the manic snickering in the background, but she hears snatches of Mettaton’s voice expounding somewhat slurringly on the great qualities of his legs.

“Feel ‘em, they’re so _smooth,_ they’re the – the smoothest things I ever touched, look at ‘em – Sans!! W-would you llllike the once-in-a-lifetime chance of feeling the legs of the Underground’s premier darling???”

“I’ll pass, thanks,” says the voice behind the camera. “Y-you could go ask Papyrus, though,” he adds through a fresh wave of giggles.

“That is a BRILLIANT idea, Sans!” Mettaton trills, and stumbles over to where Papyrus is standing, Sans following him with the camera. “Heeeyyyyyyyyy Paps,” he says, looping an arm around Papyrus’s shoulders. “Choc'late bar of my life. Mmmmy Papyroni.”

At that, Sans doubles over laughing, and the rest of the video is a blur of Sans’s shoes and his voice saying _“holy crap oh my godddd."_

It has over a million views.

 _“You SEE,”_ says Mettaton. “I am fated to become a pariah.”

“W-well,” says Alphys, trying to smother her giggles, “t-that doesn’t seem too bad? I-I mean, it’s just flirting.”

“That,” sighs Mettaton, “was the _first_ one.”

**Author's Note:**

> for similar content, consider following riverpersonn.tumblr.com B))
> 
> comments are very greatly appreciated; similarly to most writers i feed on writing critique and validation


End file.
